Turning The Volume Down: Chasing Silence

You know that part in the movie when the person loses their composure and goes on a verbal tangent or a physical rampage after a buildup of frustrations?

That’s how I feel every now and then when all I want is some peace and quiet or just SILENCE.

By every now and then, I mean probably every other day, particularly after work when I’m teetering on the low bloog sugar-induced edge before I get to devour my dinner and zone out in front of the TV for a little bit.

In truth though, the noise of everyday life really does seem inescapable a lot of the time and finding quiet is elusive at best.

And really, it’s no surprise.

When we open our phones, there are constant foghorns of sounds:

– The ‘ding’ of a text or the melody of a ringtone (Don’t you almost miss the days of paying $1 for something like Biggie’s “Warning”? Who was I?)

– App notifications for food, dating apps, music etc. (I don’t mind the Hinge alert though because I feel potentially very flattered for a few seconds)

– Instagram stories and TikTok reels with a collection of dances and memes (“Nobody’s gonna know… they’re gonna know”)

– Influencer types advertising about the newest in a line of trite products

– YouTube ads (My heart breaks a little every time – I just want to watch this clip of Trixie and Katya’s I Like To Watch – highly recommend)

That’s just scraping the surface though and hence why my phone is almost always on DND (Do Not Disturb) or silent mode – how fitting.

Friends and family alike have complained about my lack of immediate response at times, but don’t worry! I am seeing these things because my phone lights up – technology at its peak. Unless we have plans or it’s an emergency, I’ll be responding soon enough.

Do I value my freedom or am I inconsiderate?

In our workplaces, there is the perpetual sound of phones ringing and machines buzzing. The exchanges are never-ending, whether they’re about something of significance, like the details of a big project, or something petty, like office gossip about the person that most co-workers perceive to be an abrasive bitch or how management is slacking on their promises… yet again.

The TV is generally on in the background of our homes, offices and virtually everywhere with the news or commercials. Some of these I actually enjoy, such as Jake from State Farm, whereas others I could take that metaphorical baseball bat to the TV with, like the decades-old Kars4Kids jingle that is still on our screens. When is it going to end?!

Upon entering businesses, like a supermarket, your ears are blessed with sounds of soft, pop music or really whatever the playlist is of the 18-year-old employee that got a hold of the aux cord that day. I never imagined I’d hear Lil Kim’s “How Many Licks?” on at a ShopRite, but life is full of amazing surprises.

The biggest offenders though are really any clothing stores at the mall where you can’t enter an H&M or Zara without feeling almost physically nauseated by the questionable dance bops they’re blasting at full volume. Here, just take my $25 for the shirt and let me get the fuck out of here.

Even when one is trying to have a tranquil moment with some meditation or looking to clear their head, it can be hard not to be interrupted by the sounds of the outdoors, from something actually pleasant like birds chirping to something a little more grating like train horns blaring as they pass.

Finding a true moment of silence with the lack of ANY noise around you is, again, difficult to put it lightly.

I don’t want to give off the wrong impression from the mini-dissertation above that I’m a complete grump who is so self-involved that they don’t understand there’s a whole world out there full of other people, places and things that produce sounds in every which way they’re designed to.

On a more basic level, I’m very grateful to have the gift/sense of hearing because it brings me much joy too.

So what’s the answer?

It’s said that the average brain has about 50,000+ thoughts a day, with some arguing it’s much less around 6,000, but perhaps those 6,000 are just the ones we’re giving any energy to.

And therein lies some of the predicament.

Some of us have mental health battles. All of us have some nervous tendencies in various, sometimes unconscious forms. And all of us, in this nonstop world of 2022, are very much enmeshed in the technological interaction at our fingertips and more than that, the instant access. It’s second nature – we ironically rarely think about that.

The answer seems to lie in the yin and yang of finding acceptance of the never-ending sounds in our orbit and also finding that inner peace within ourselves and tuning out that inside chatter before ever being able to think about shutting out the outside racket.

If you are, I don’t know, a person living life with many pressures and basic needs to stay afloat, it’s a universally relatable concept of trying to ‘clear your mind’ and not being able to do so with ease – for the above-mentioned reasons and so much more.

It’s understood by most at this point that there is a crossroads of being unnecessarily connected to our phones and the other forms of media around us at all times versus needing to take a mental and physical breather and ‘shutting down’ for our own sanity and well-rounded approach to life.

But it takes practice and patience.

Like I said above, my phone is perpetually on silent mode and I like it that way. It might get me an occasional chiding about what some might perceive as a sporadic lack of access to me, but in order for me to be present and interested in those moments, I need to take a step back sometimes.

The hunt for moments of stillness aren’t something trivial or selfish – they’re essential, refreshing and informative. They give us a chance to be in a zen-like state where we can unwind or process life events and above all else, gain much needed clarity and comfort.

Having a sense of humor is a great tool in life, but I’ve really brought it into play in my quest for some silence as well.

When I’m about 20 seconds into my morning meditation and my neighbor starts using their blender or when I’m sitting down to a highly anticipated breakfast and construction promptly begins outside my front door, these are moments I just shake my head and laugh. I have to roll with it.

Finding that silence isn’t necessarily about my immediate surroundings being completely devoid of any noise – that seems to be a losing battle much of the time.

It’s more about learning how to let go of the expectation of pure silence and learning how to be at peace with myself internally so that I can tune out that external commotion.

But let me tell you something – if someone interrupts me during the massage I get every few months… I will lose any thought of being silent. It’s a matter of principle!

Only Guy in the Break Room: New Job Observations

‘You used to be able to flirt with the girls around here not too long ago’ were the words one of my bosses said to me during my first week at a new job.

If I didn’t have a sense of humor, understand the dynamics of old-school workplaces and their mentalities or was, I don’t know, a woman, maybe I would have had a more abrupt reaction to his joke.

That potentially sexist and/or offensive comment was said to me as I sat in the break room eating what I referred to as ‘my sad, little third grade lunch’ aka a sandwich with a bag of nuts, a protein bar and some chocolate if I’m feeling frisky. Low blood sugar is real and eating chocolate solves so many of my problems, but I digress.

From what I’ve been told, a few other employees eat their midday delights in the break area, but I haven’t seen it yet. And quite frankly, that is SO fine by me because I get to stare off into the void while I devour my sandwich and wonder about my life choices.

Starting out a new job during the last few months has been, as it always is, quite the overload of new faces, information and discoveries.

Workplace integration though is one of the prime examples of studying human interaction and its intricacies. It had been some time since I started with a new company and was that initial man on an island – I almost forgot what the assimilation process entailed.

Aside from the actual work, the thing I’m here to get paid for and help build my career from while supposedly contributing my skill set, the real story lies in the intermingling of the employees.

In that first couple of weeks, there’s always a possibly bullshit façade occurring amongst your new set of co-workers and how they present themselves. Everyone is, in my experience, overly welcomingly and accommodating with an innate and relatable understanding of being the new kid on the block.

Within a couple weeks though, some of those pretenses dissolve and things become clearer. Through constant observation and catching bits and pieces of countless conversations – many of which should be had far away from co-workers – you gain a deep insight into what’s really going on and the parts people play in the bigger scheme.

For example:

Red Bull in the Flesh: This employee is running around the office at all times like every miniscule detail has the potential to undermine a well-oiled, efficiently running company. They are good at their job and you commend them on their dedication and understanding of what’s necessary, but also have a few inner laughs a day at how seemingly unnecessary their constant state of panicked mania is. They are generally younger and greener to the game. These people, whether or not seen as good at their job, are on the fast track to hypertension later in life.

All Smiles: Some people come across as having such a kind soul and bring a very essential positive vibe to the office environment. One of these types recently told me he never had a drink in his life and his favorite thing on Fridays was enjoying some WWE; it was then I knew we’d never hang out outside of work, but he still makes me smile during our chats for how good-natured he is. These employees are happy to help whoever when they can, are often thrown a task no one wants to do because its understood they’re agreeable and you wonder what kind of prescription drugs they might be on or if they were just raised in a well-adjusted household.

Day & Night: One of the first days at my new job, I heard not one or two, but three different co-workers mention that this particular associate was a cold, standoffish person who clearly hated her job and should move on to greener pastures. I tried to interact once or twice during the next week to gauge if my experience would be the same and because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but lo and behold, this person absolutely came across as abrupt and cold. However, two days later, she spoke to me for twenty minutes about her sister’s dating life and a great lunch option should I decide to skip my aforementioned homemade sandwich. My takeaway was that she might not enjoy her job and/or those co-workers – imagine that. Regardless, maybe she wasn’t such a bitch after all.

One Man Show: At any job you’re at, there’s always ONE guy – I say guy because it’s almost unanimously men – that is incessantly cracking jokes and bringing some levity to the day. Do they get their work done? Nobody really knows, but it’s almost always overlooked by the fact that they’re an amiable, little con artist that’s spending inordinate amounts of time bullshitting around the office, taking extended bathroom breaks and asking if anyone wants lunch so they can skip out for an extra twenty minutes. They’re not fucking up my flow, but it’s always interesting to note.

Rumor Has It: There’s always at least one or five of these people in the office. They make constant laps around the floor, dropping off papers or trying to acquire information about a particular task or client, but are also almost always using that as an excuse to chit-chat for a few minutes. Even more, much of the discussions center around another employee’s shortcomings, some office ‘drama’ or general gossip about the world at large. They do seem pleasant and can be quite charming and fun, but I keep these folks at arm’s length. Something has always screamed untrustworthy about said person.

The Waiting Game: My first day of work, I laughed so hard upon seeing the time turn to 5PM and watching a girl in my department immediately shoot up from her chair and beeline it out the door. This was not a one-day deal though as everyday, the clock just strikes that time and she is OUT. She does her job and not a thing more. With a little age, you’re really either this type of worker or the one who stays half an hour later most days and depending on the job and its workload, I guess either is more ideal. Employers might notice, but also I don’t blame my fellow co-worker for her mentality because there is the whole concept of ‘work-life balance’ and she’s not getting any bonuses for staying an extra ten minutes.

Blending In: Fairly similar to those that are out at 5PM on the dot, some people are there just to do their job, collect a paycheck and be on their way with minimal social interaction with fellow employees outside of work-related tasks. You won’t be seeing them on the dancefloor at the holiday party (a la Elaine Benes from Seinfeld) or speaking up to much at meetings about workplace productivity. It’s easy to find ourselves hovering on this side of things, but also understanding the importance of building connections with my team, if for nothing more than looking like a valuable member of the company to the bosses. (“Yes sir! I will get on that right away… prick”)

Starting at a new company is always a mix of exciting and daunting. It feels like a step in the right direction and who knows what good things could come from it, but also you just never know what kind of atmosphere you’re walking into.

And you never really know until at least a month or two in when you’ve had a chance to soak up all the personalities and specific workplace attitudes.

Truth be told, I’m never really looking to make best friends at work because I already have friends and because that’s not what I’m there for, BUT – you have to play the game to advance in this whole ‘career’ thing. And even more truth be told, some of these people aren’t all that bad… right?

There are some perks though that can make you feel like any of the petty bullshit and avoidable frustrations might be worth the job, paycheck, experience and possible connections.

For example, during the warmer months, my company has a food truck EVERY week for free. What can I say, all it took was a free burger and fries to win me over.