If you’re not familiar with the infamous quote from Luann of Real Housewives of New York referenced in the title (after she allegedly hooked up with a married man while on vacation), you must not be in tune with the pop culture phenomenon that is reality TV and plastered everywhere.
You also might have a few more brain cells than I do.
After ingesting an embarrassing amount of hours filled with everything from petty cat-fights on fancy yachts on Real Housewives and the GTL lifestyle (again, you MUST know this Jersey Shore lingo) to the arduous process of home renovation on Love It or List It and drama-filled dating competitions like Too Hot to Handle, my brain is a very contentious pool of knowledge – and to call it knowledge is also questionable.
But to put the faces of the reality TV smorgasbord aside for a moment, what does that say about us? Do we just love the drama? Is it all just silly entertainment? An escape from everyday life? Or do we love to sit back, laugh and judge these characters for the many a time ludicrous behaviors they present?
Relatability
As a 5 year old in the 90s, I was watching The Real World, taking in all the mayhem as it unfolded with these seven diverse strangers thrown into a home together. They tackled serious issues, like gender stereotypes, racism, addiction, homophobia, mental health and everything in between. It was truly raw. We all know the tagline ‘when people stop being polite and start getting real’.
Fast forward to the fall of 2009, my college friends and I would tune into Jersey Shore on Thursday nights while we pre-gamed with shots before heading to the bar. Watching people around our age acting like degenerates, beating up the beat at Karma and having sloppy, regrettable sex with strangers was relevant and prime entertainment. GTL became a movement.
But when did it start becoming less ‘reality’ and more produced plot? Jersey Shore was at its peak for the first few seasons when words like ‘smush’ and ‘grenade’ entered the canon and JWoww and Sammi had memorable blow-ups.
After a certain point though, the cast, as we now say in the culture, understood the assignment and were hamming it up in unnecessary ways. It was still mildly entertaining, but lost much of its panache.
More on this page was around the same time that The Hills was popular. This show seemed to be heavily fake. Laguna Beach, its predecessor, felt like it could’ve been authentic because high school drama is both that trivial and relatable. Eventually though, it was revealed that it was all produced and Kristin Cavallari and the gang were not really THIS dramatic – just people trying to build their own brands.
Was it still entertaining though? Maybe, but by those standards, anyone could be on television. Put a camera in front of a group of friends or strangers, sprinkle in some scripted drama, pass around some booze and maybe other paraphernalia and let the fireworks set themselves off.
In that sense, there is a certain relatability with some reality TV shows because many of us have had hazy nights waking up in a stranger’s bed or had a circle of friends and family that occasionally (regularly) went through crazy moments and life changes.
Escapism
But then there is a whole other wave of reality TV shows that are not relatable at all. They’re still entertaining, but more than anything, they’re about a bit of escapism and seeing another world or way of life that we’re not familiar with.
Enter Keeping Up With The Kardashians and The Real Housewives.
The Kardashians built their brand in so many avenues and have become inescapable – speaking of escapism. They are EVERYWHERE and kudos to them on that.
The show itself though was like watching paint dry with an occasional flare up between the sisters and/or their significant others. Watching them relax, eat their oversized salads and count their money on their plush furniture in their exorbitant homes with amazing views really proved the aforementioned.
Millions would watch to get a taste of what was going on ‘behind the scenes’. What was Kourtney all about? Aside from being fed the fuck up of being on TV, I couldn’t tell you.
After the first few seasons though as the family became household names, that authenticity dropped off in droves. They knew the game and carefully crafted a lot of their presented image.
It inspires both awe and – if you’ve seen more than 20 minutes of it – apathy as these people, while real people like all us with problems, are living in another world in many ways.
The Real Housewives became another true form of fantasy as many of the housewives, entrepreneurs, ‘singers’, actresses and the lot were extremely wealthy and the walking embodiment of luxury.
There was a slight sense of tangibility thought that came in the form of housewives that weren’t initially millionaires – probably the best example being RHONY’s Bethenny Frankel, who is now arguably the most successful byproduct of the show given her Skinnygirl empire and other ventures.
In the earlier days, things were definitely more genuine as the women were gaining their footing and learning what made them pop on the airwaves. With that as well came real-life moments that happened in real time on camera (the infamous christening brawl of New Jersey, the limo fight of Beverly Hills that unveiled years of family baggage etc.).
These days though, it is laughably understood and barely concealed that a large chunk of the spectacles on the beaches of a vacation in Mexico or a dinner party at the Capri room of Buca di Beppo (if you know, you know) is sensationalized and all but drummed up by producers looking for ratings.
And it seems many of the women are more than happy to oblige because six-figure paychecks and attention are the name of the game.
Regardless, the theme of escapism still has millions of viewers hooked regardless if the interactions between the personalities or genuine or complete fiction. There’s a mix of enjoyment, envy and curiosity in seeing how these bank accounts are being spent on $95K hand bags and annual catered white parties that cost over $100K (looking at you, Kyle).
The mix of fawning over the grandiose opulence of it all and shaking your head with laughter at the trivial conflicts is what pulls in viewership.
We’ve come to see in recent times that for some of the housewives, it’s all a house of cards. Erika Jayne, Jen Shah and a few others are the key members here. With that, people almost get a sense of relief in seeing that not all is what it seems and these women, money or not, are still real people.
Educational (Kind of)
However, the faces on reality TV aren’t always notable for their wild antics or lavish lifestyles. Sometimes, reality TV can be almost *gasp* informative or aspirational.
When we think reality TV, most of us think of the over the top scandals and absurd personalities. Surprisingly, it has a much farther reach.
HGTV, for example, has created a lane where shows like House Hunters and Love It or List It reign supreme. Both shows allow viewers to see what their money can get them in various markets around the country – and around the world on House Hunters International.
It is educational as you take the journey with a couple on the logistics (see: headaches) of home ownership and all the compromises and finances required to achieve their ideal version of happiness. Mine is just having a California King-sized bed with a walk-in closet, a double vanity because I’m selfish and an Infinity pool. What can I say? I’m a simple creature, give or take eighty grand.
But of course, like any piece of the pop culture puzzle, these shows aren’t complete without elements of dramatization. There are heated disagreements between the couples, sacrifices that must be made and on Love It or List It, friendly competition between David and Hilary, the two real estate stars, over whether the couple will well… love it or list it.
House Hunters has also been exposed as a bit deceptive as it is reported the couple already has chosen one of the three homes they’re still debating over and some homes aren’t even for sell. Regardless, you get an idea of your money’s worth.
Another level of semi-educational reality TV comes in the form of cooking competitions like Master Chef, Worst Cooks in America, Sugar Rush and the list goes on.
There’s a somewhat wacky aura to the latter two or shows similar like Holiday Baking Championship, complete with quirky judges and silly sound effects, whereas Master Chef is ran by Gordon Ramsay, who is renowned for his no-bullshit approach to put it lightly.
I, not a culinary expert, have watched hours of all these cooking shows. Now, you may think these shows are all adrenaline-pumping countdowns to the finish time, big cash prizes and harsh criticisms on less than extraordinary dishes, but you’re wrong.
Before these shows, I couldn’t tell you what the terms ‘blanching’ or ‘julienne’ meant or how to properly bake a three-layer cake that didn’t come from a box. I learned more about the basics of seasoning and many other do’s and don’ts of the kitchen. Do I put all these to use every day? Don’t worry about it.
Yet again, there is always a little drama peppered into these shows with some personality clashes and discrepancies over how to cook a dish, but it’s not the center of the show.
Competitions: Love & Survival
The last area of reality TV to touch on is the competition arena, which really is just pure, cathartic entertainment. If you’re watching these shows for any sense of realism or education, you haven’t been paying attention.
From the still (somehow) popular The Bachelor to Love Island to Too Hot to Handle and so on, dating competition shows can be enticing for the drama, generally beautiful people and the mystery of the finale.
The Bachelor is the tried and true formula of pitting a couple dozen men or women against each other for the ‘love’ of their suitor. Elaborate dates and petty confrontations are plentiful as how else would the show move along past the rose ceremonies. You have to fill the 42-minute slots with something other than laying by the pool.
Yet, The Bachelor remains successful two decades later because people want to see how this story unfolds and get caught up in the heightened stakes that can occasionally feel relatable to dating in the real world. It’s not exactly like real romance, but we all want to be ‘the one’, right? I’m getting emotional.
Too Hot to Handle was a new spin on the dating competition realm that I, very ashamedly, admit I got into. The idea of putting stunning people in a tropical villa with the caveat that if they hook up, they don’t get the money was intriguing to a vulgar dirt bag like myself.
Granted, as usual, there is production at play with contestants motivated to make bold, risque choices, but it made for a salacious watch.
The Challenge and Survivor are also two long-running establishments in the competition field that prove if you put driven, usually explosive personality types in confined and/or unpredictable surroundings together, the show sells itself and people will watch.
Gone are the days though given the intense scrutiny and legal ramifications that in-house fighting is allowed for more than two seconds before someone gets kicked out. CT is still a power player, but his days of laying people out are no more. Am I just aggressive or was it not thoroughly riveting TV? What a time.
Both of these programs are enjoyable for the feats of physical and mental endurance, the interpersonal dynamics of alliances and betrayals and the answer to just what lengths people will go to for money. Would you back-stab a friend or lover on national television for $1M? I would. Kidding… I would… never.
Why do we watch reality TV? Is the answer just as simple as it’s entertaining, something to do and/or there’s nothing better on? Or is a little deeper than one might think?
We watch because there’s an ability to relate to people going through life moments, like mental health struggles, addiction, marriage, divorce and death.
We watch because there’s an ability to escape for an hour by watching indescribably wealthy folks living in ways we couldn’t imagine while still being train wrecks in their friend groups.
We watch because we might actually learn a thing or two about how to braise a chicken through Gordon Ramsay yelling at someone or how much it’ll cost to replace the flooring in a rustic farmhouse in North Carolina.
Whatever the case, whatever your mood or rationale, reality TV has an endless supply of content to feast on. Whether it’s authentic reality or sheer fiction is irrelevant. It’s all entertainment.
All I know is Christine of Selling Sunset was most definitely lying about her engagement, right? She’s gorgeous and clever, but discernibly unhinged – some metaphors just sell themselves.
mark.angiello 
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