If you haven’t heard the words referenced in the title while trying to make plans with your good friends in recent years, then God bless you and consider me the darkest shade of envious green.
Gone are the days when getting together with even two friends wasn’t a process and didn’t require syncing schedules and eyeing out five possible weekends. Actually no, March 14th won’t work – I have my cousin’s brother-in-law’s daughter’s Sweet Sixteen that day.
This is the natural evolution of life. The days of no priorities, lounging, partying and completely carefree living have been replaced with managing our time effectively between jobs, families, household needs, grocery runs, side projects and events, like birthdays, weddings, funerals and anything else that fills up an afternoon.
Bottles of Smirnoff have been replaced by baby bottles and reusable water jugs (Hydro Flask for the win) and bags of weed –wait, those haven’t been replaced. SOME things stay the same. It’s not bags though these days, but jars of weed from a legitimate, reputable company. Try out Kiva Camino gummies – gloriousness, but I digress.
Friendships are still part of the mix and technology makes it so easy to stay connected via text, call, and all forms of social media. I know about the activities of some close friends’ lives almost exclusively through Instagram stories. We all know it hit a point in our mid-late 20s when extra effort became required to sustain these bonds and see some of our closest friends even twice a year.
Some psychology studies have reported ‘if a friendship lasts longer than seven years, it will last a lifetime’. What a nice, Hallmark Channel movie sentiment, right? I don’t want to brag or anything because God knows I’m not always a delight, but I’ve upheld enough long friendships to support this research – slow golf clap for me.
What types of friends are we or do we have these days? That definition has changed from the ages of 15 to 30-something and the archetypes have evolved as well.
Day Ones: No new friends, no new friends. But in all seriousness, these are the friends that have been there from braces and AIM away messages to blacked out evenings at the bar to the heartbreak moments of life and everything in between. They know where all the bodies are buried and a simple, knowing look in their direction will prompt loud, inappropriate laughter. You might not live 5 minutes away from them anymore, but you’re always connected and that won’t change. These are also the people you can send three unanswered texts in a row and not feel desperate or clingy, but maybe that’s just what I tell myself.
Eternal Partier: We all have a couple of friends that are still routinely going out to the bars and LIVING aka getting hammered, chain smoking and potentially hopping on a plane to a tropical destination at a moment’s notice. Many of them hold full-time jobs and seemingly have many other pieces of the puzzle in order, but it is both impressive and befuddling how these people manage to stay afloat. You’re amazed at how their body is still handling the chaos though. Maybe it’s the energy drinks (wink, wink) or maybe they just hate being home alone and have a restless personality indicative of a mental health problem; negative possibilities aside, these people can always be called for a good time. You do worry about them, but at least it’ll never be said they were boring.
Overbooked: This friend usually has to ‘get back to you’ or ‘let you know’ and will leave you on read for weeks at a time because their life is SO BUSY. They are the personification of the title of this post (let me check my calendar). They have great intentions and want to see everyone, but they stretch themselves so thin. Whether they’re preoccupied with work, kids, extracurricular activities etc., they will be booked for three months before they can even contemplate making plans, unless it’s a random time, like 2PM on a Wednesday afternoon – and that usually is not a convenient time. This isn’t to label them a shit friend – they’re just always on the go and if you can get them to commit to even a coffee at a Starbucks, just let it be.
Incommunicado: I have a handful of friends who I would not know if they were dead or alive other than the occasional, 3-word response they throw out in the group text or the sporadic social media post of their pet. This would feel more personal generally, but this is how they operate with everyone. We all have different approaches to socialization and some of us need more solitude than others, but whew – why even have a phone? I also leave my phone unattended for hours when I’m home so – pot meet kettle. I’ve had to learn about maturity and self-centeredness in realizing like I said, people operate differently and I’m not top priority, but also… show me some love dammit! I’m needy.
Instagram Impresario: I suppose there is some contradiction here in that I am promoting my written word and I’m about to come for those doing something similar. However, hypocrisy aside, just walk with me for a few. These are the friends that have 40 small stories on their IG. Whether they used to eat like shit, drink excessively and do drugs or they’ve always had health and fitness at the core of their value system, this friend is ALL ABOUT THE GYM. There aren’t enough mirror selfies in the world to make it clear that they’re at the gym. There are other shades of the social media impresario that come in folks promoting the brand (pyramid scheme) they’ve begun to work for, like a skincare line or a travel/event company. Then, there are those promoting something more meaningful, like social justice causes and political reforms. Kudos to these folks on their consistency, but holy shit – where is the mute function? Do I sound like a hater? Maybe. But am I right? Absolutely.
Mom of 2: This faction has been growing and continues to grow with time – reproduction is just how the world keeps going or so they tell me. Remember, condoms and birth control aren’t 100% effective. Almost any of my friends who now has a kid or three used to be the wildest member of our friend group, slamming back eight shots a night and making dubious decisions on a weekly (daily) basis. Now, they’ve gone either two ways. They are still the same brazen and hilarious person you’ve known, but with two kids – or they have turned into Mother Teresa and will preach to you about the wonders of a good tile cleaner and gets uptight when the word ‘shit’ is dropped in conversation around their baby. Excuse me? They’re still some of your favorite people, but you look forward to the day when their child is of age and can hear about Mom on the booze cruise in Mexico circa 2012.
Homebody/Recluse: Somewhat similar to those friends that are generally incommunicado, this friend has little intention of regular socializing. They really love their solitude and are content to many a night in front of their computer or the TV. I get it – sometimes I want to be left the fuck alone too and on weekdays, after work has depleted our energy, I’m staying put on my couch. This friend makes that a weekend ritual too and will blame it on errands or household chores, which are valid, but they simply can’t be bothered. Is it social anxiety? Is it a complete lack of interest in more than seeing 2 people at once? Who knows. They will exit their cocoon after enough harassment when you guilt trip them that it’s been 6 months because that’s what good friends do.
Events Only: There are some people who are great acquaintances – you may even consider them to be light friends, but you only see them at bigger occasions, like a birthday or a wedding. Sometimes, people like these are just part of the larger group dynamic and there feels like no basis for you to see them otherwise. When you do see them though, it is always an enjoyable time full of bawdy laughs. You sometimes wonder why you and this person aren’t better friends and only leave each other a silly IG comment here and there. You have their phone number and might even text occasionally but neither one of you is making any big move to change that either. But sometimes that’s the perfect level of connection and why ruin a good thing?
What is a friend anyway? That definition changes quite a bit over the course of the stages of our lives. We come in all shapes and sizes, like mentioned above and when the bonds are still enjoyable and loyal from 2005 til now, it’s the real deal. Thank God for Facebook memories though to remind us of the shameful antics that cemented our friendships over said years.
I have friends from all different walks of life with various mentalities and don’t judge any of them for our differences. It’s a coat of many colors (not Joseph’s technicolored one though – this isn’t a religious post) and how we’ve evolved from the days of spiky, gelled-up hair, Ed Hardy T-shirts, Chinese slippers and trashy $10 vodka to baby bottles, meal prep delivery companies and Dad bods is a beautiful thing – well, maybe not that last one.
You know one thing that hasn’t changed? The 99 cent cans of Arizona at the gas station. Now that has staying power!
mark.angiello 
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